Meadowmont, Turtle-Handling & the Havacow Hash

As noted above, the Hash House Harrier phenomenon arrived in North Carolina in the early 1980s. Hashers get together on a regular basis to follow an intermittent trail marked with dollops of flour. Hashers are known by their quirky yet somehow appropriate hash nick names, names they earn after proving what they are made of over the course of several hashes. This report, known as the Hash Trash in hashing circles, concerns a late spring hash course laid in Chapel Hill out Highway 54 East by an actor and teacher of actors who once appeared in a TV commercial that also starred a cow—from whence came his hash sobriquet of Havacow. 3Pints is the hash name of an attorney of Irish extraction and SCB stands for a hasher who intentionally short cuts the course—or more precisely SCB stands for “Short Cutting Badperson” or something like that.

Meadowmont is now all growed up and we haven’t seen the turtle since the incident in question. Havacow (aka R. Dooley) is a sensitive artist-type sort of guy. He reads Shakespeare.

He can talk about incidents which occurred during Oscar Wilde’s travels in America. He acts in plays. So what’s this guy doing laying a hash if he’s such a sensitive artist-type, you ask? I think it is because Shakespeare too would have been a hasher if hashing had been around in those times.

Not only are hashes world-round generally populated with more than their fair share of Falstaff and Caliban-types, hash repartee is modeled after the same ribald double-entendre that the bard loved. So I think Havacow agreed to lay this hash because he is gathering material for a screenplay that he is writing and that soon you will see the turtle incident portrayed on the big screen with Leonard DeCaprio playing the 3Pints role and Nicholas Cage as Crowder. Maybe they’ll film on location and we can all have bit parts as hashers—although maybe MicroP would be more convincing as the turtle. Events leading up to and occurring subsequent to the turtle peeing all over 3Pints: It was a hot day for mid-May but ten avid hashers showed up at Havacow’s based on the fine reputation of his

virginal hash of last year. I personally had some doubts about the hash names that various newbie hashers were seeking to adopt as their own but I figured there was plenty of time to deal with that later—there were bigger problems. For instance early on experienced hashers MiniVann and 3Pints disappeared down a long back check while “Hasn’t Paid His Dues” Crowder stood at the check saying that the trail couldn’t go that way. Ooooh, that hurt—because Crowder was right.

We abandoned Mini and the Pintman and followed … ugh, Crowder. Spreadsheet and I opened up, crossed 54 and headed toward the trails on Finley Golf Course—Havacow had done this before. We had a water stop at the bank drive-through opposite Glen Lennox Shopping Center, picked off a few ticks and headed out toward the Friday Center trails. Fairly predictable, ‘Cow, but then came the turtle in the road.

It was big, it was bad and it was full of pee—although you couldn’t tell just by looking at it. “Pick it up and put it in the woods, 3Pints!” we all screamed. He did, and whether in fright at being so roughly handled by 3Pints or in glee, the turtle turned on the spigot and gave a few pints back to his handler. Big turtles have big bladders, we all noted. 3Pints complained about the smell of turtle pee and no one disputed him. As is often the case in life, there was nothing to do but keep hashing, so we did.

Another water break (we all resented this thoughtful treatment and told the ‘Cow so) and ‘Cow offered us an inglorious short-cut home. Cow-poop, we told him, and Runs With Joints, SlingSlade, Black Shark and Grumpy followed me on to meet our destiny. Well, Chapel Hill’s destiny, anyway. For Chapel Hill had just approved the development of Meadowmont which is the big undeveloped tract of land on the right side of 54 before you get to Finley Golf Course—and Havacow was gonna give us a tour.

We ran on old roads between fields and forest, with a few old tumble down houses and barns—lovely, undeveloped country and as far as I know never before hashed. We all picked out the lots we want to buy so that soon we can host Meadowmont hashes all the time—but this was the first Meadowmont hash and we will not soon forget it. Thanks ‘Cow. Back at chez ‘Cow the SCB’s (yeah, I was one, so what?) watched the non-SCB’s straggle in—MiniVann and Spreadsheet, Micro, Slingslade, and so on.

At the après, we successfully urged 3Pints to leave early (‘cause he smelled like turtle pee) and then self-absorbed and full of ourselves we drank cheap beer, talked about Sinatra’s acting, Black Shark’s grad school shenanigans, what would happen to we fine hashers if Havacow’s excitable doggie got let out of the house by mistake, and much more. But you had to have been there. Awn-awn.